How I Mourn, How I Cope

Greg always marveled at what an amazing project manager I am--mainly because of how well I was able to manage the logistics of his illness, all while working a demanding job. Being an editor is basically being a project manager, so I've had a lot of practice! I've realized recently that I've been, in a way, project managing my own mourning. In case this might be helpful to some, here are some of the things that have helped me cope:

-Breathing. Deep breaths.

-Focusing on each and every moment. Instead of going through the motions, I try to focus on each motion, no matter how mundane.

-Keeping busy, especially on the weekends. Friends have been good about reaching out to plan outings, and I've basically been saying yes to everything, but I also don't hesitate to do my own reaching out. When I want/need to schedule my weekends, I do. And it's been great to reconnect with friends I haven't seen for a while.

-Keeping busy, but not TOO busy: leaving myself some time to be alone, to grieve, to cry. And know that it's okay to feel sad. I don't want to avoid my grief. Also, a friend told me her therapist said that intense emotions generally last for 90 seconds and then subside. I haven't actually tested this theory, but it's a good reminder that "This too shall pass."

-Going to a Meet-Up group for widows and widowers under 45. I didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be really great to connect with others who are going through the same thing.

-Reading. A few friends sent me books on loss (Healing After Loss and How to Survive the Loss of a Love--thank you Caroline and Christine!) and most nights I read a little before bed. 

-Reading blogs and listening to podcasts: I've also been reading some blogs written by widows or widowers. This one in particular. I've also been listening to the "What's Your Grief" podcast, by the women who run the website. Their post about secondary loss was particularly enlightening.

-Writing and journaling. I've always kept a journal, and I've been writing in it a little more often. Blogging a little more, too!

-Exercising. I've decided to run the NYC Marathon again this year, and going for runs in the cold winter air has been wonderful. Lots of walking, too, and I'm taking a Pilates class at work.

-Cleaning and organizing, rearranging the furniture in the apartment, getting new furniture. I've kept photos and other wall-hangings the same, but have rearranged the layout of the living room and bedroom (thank you to Rose, Jason, and Kirk!), which for me helps the apartment feel different and my own, while maintaining the familiarity. I've decluttered quite a bit. I also bought this Lumio lamp I'd been coveting ever since I saw it on Shark Tank years ago. It's a book that opens up into a lamp! It makes me happy.

-Getting massages. In general, taking care of myself.

-Brunch! Dinner! Wine! (see "taking care of myself" above.)

-Focusing on work. It was hard at first, of course--working all day in an office is exhausting! I don't know how anyone does it. But, by the end of my second week, I felt like I was really back. It was familiar, and good to focus.

-Doing small rituals. Another organization I'm in the process of joining (recommended by Gwen) called The Dinner Party sent me this article, and I realized that much of what I've done fits into this. Going through Greg's belongings. Listening to the music he loved. I found a woman who makes beautiful "bereavement quilts" out of ties, and I sent her Greg's many ties to make a wall hanging. I saw this "I have done love" bracelet on Cheryl Strayed's Instagram, and ordered one for myself. I wear it every day. It's from the quote: 

When I get to the end of my life, and I ask one final "What have I done?" Let my answer be: "I have done love." -Jennifer Pastiloff

Okay, that's all I can think of for now. 

It's starting to get light a little earlier--I can feel Spring coming! If you have other advice/techniques for coping and healing that you'd like to share, please do.

What I'm thankful for

Happy Thanksgiving!

As we've recently moved apartments, while packing and unpacking, I've found myself discovering forgotten things and re-reading old journals, which led me to reread old blog posts, too. I'm thankful for these journals and blogs, because I love remembering who I was and what I've done--and seeing how far I've come (and yet, how I'm still the same person). In one old journal entry, I commented on how my boyfriend at the time called me a "one trick pony" because all I ever did was work, and all I could talk about was work. And in that entry I said that the busy work time was only temporary. Ha! Little did I know...

But I'm thankful that I have a job that I still love, no matter how busy and stressful it gets.

Other things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

-That G is alive and relatively well, that we have this lovely life together
-For my health
-For health insurance and great doctors
-For our new, spacious apartment with a working elevator
-For friends and family, there for us in so many different ways
-For our cats, even though they've been waking me up in the middle of the night
-For good food and drink (especially brunch!)
-For leisurely walks
-For Zumba
-For escapist books, blogs, television shows (I've been especially addicted to The Good Wife this year), and social networking
-For my monthly Karaoke club, and music in general
-For my brilliant authors, illustrators, and coworkers

-For the little pleasures of life

-For the great pleasures of life!

Now I'm off to make an apple pie. Enjoy your day, all!

My work resolutions for 2010

Cross-posted from the Blue Rose Girls.

***

I always make New Year's resolutions, including my "no candy" resolution of eight or so years ago. One of my resolutions this year (and last year, too, although I didn't achieve it) is to blog at least once a month on my personal blog. (Cross-posts from the Blue Rose Girls don't count.) Well, to get in the habit, I posted my first original bloomabilities post in a loooong time on Wednesday--I looked back on my Oughts here.

So now it's 2010 and it's back to work. Vacation is over--it passed so quickly! I got more than 50% of my very lengthy work "to do" list done, so I feel okay about starting the work year. However, because of the work, it wasn't a true vacation. It never really is, right? I think we all struggle with maintaining a work/life balance.

Around New Year's, agent Barry Goldblatt tweeted (or retweeted, rather) this:

Definitely! RT@DaveMcKean Resolution? More unequivocal days, that is WORK days and PLAY days, not guilty play days and distracted work days.

That really resonated with me, because if I had to pick two words to describe how I felt last year, they would be "busy" and "guilty." I felt guilty all the time because of all of the things I had to do and wasn't doing. All of the submissions yet to read, the unanswered emails and calls, the people to get back to. I felt guilty all the time about not working, even when I wasn't supposed to be working. And that needs to stop.

So, in addition to my usual work goals, in 2010 I'm going to try to set some boundaries and make some changes in how I work. Here are a few of my work-related resolutions I've come up with so far:

1) Learn how to say "no" more. Last year I really did try to say no to favors and requests that I really didn't have the time to do, but if someone insists and says "Are you sure? Please?" I often fold and say yes. I need to stop that. Because this past year, I've said yes to things, and then have not followed through with the task in a timely manner, and that's contributed to this constant sense of guilt.

2) Stop counting on weekend and vacations and holidays to "catch up" on work. Weekends and vacations are "me" time! And it never really works, anyway. (This is an example of "guilty play days.")

3) Don't stay at the office past 9 pm.

4) Work towards "Inbox Zero"--I think this is probably too lofty a goal, so to be a little more realistic, I'd like to have under 20 emails in my inbox by the end of each day (Let's call it Inbox Twenty). If you're curious as to what Inbox Zero is, watch this (rather long) video:



5) While at work, work. Less socializing and web surfing. Sure, Twitter and Facebook and blog reading are also work-related for me, but I need to stop checking the sites throughout the day. Once in the morning, once during lunchtime, and once after 5 pm will suffice.

6) Acquire at least two picture books, two middle grade, and two young adult projects this year.

7) Read a little before bed at least five times a week. Read at least one published book per month.

8) Tidy my office at least a little bit once a week.

And, of course, I resolve to keep all of my resolutions! Really! And if I don't, I won't feel guilty about it, because I hereby declare 2010 the Year of No Guilt.

What are some of your resolutions if you make them? What do YOU declare 2010 to be the Year Of?

Happy New Year, everyone! It's going to be a good one. I can feel it.

The Oughts: A Look Back

Earlier this year, when I looked back ten years ago to when I first started my career in publishing, I hadn't realized that we were also nearing the end of the decade and the beginning of a new one (although...technically 2011 is the beginning of the new decade, right? Details, details!).

Before I do a "look forward" to 2010, I thought I'd look back at the last decade. So, let's see. What were "The Oughts" all about for me?

-I spent most of The Oughts not eating candy. I'm not sure exactly when I made that New Year's Resolution to not eat candy (I'd look back in my diaries to check, but am on the road right now! I'm literally up in the air on the airplane, to be exact), but it was at least eight years ago, because I know I was still living in Boston. Wow. Almost a decade of barely any candy!

-I've spent all of this decade working in children's book publishing and loving it. I went from being an editorial assistant to a senior editor (with a few steps in between).

-I moved to New York from Boston.

-I've lived in four different apartments, have had twelve different roommates.

-I survived a traumatic break-up and an eviction.

-I've been in three serious romantic relationships.

-I dated people I met online, met at parties, met at bars, met while sharing a taxi, even!

-I met The Randoms: my "new" group of friends who I've now known for almost five years.

-I traveled a ton, including to Australia, Taiwan, Thailand, Japan, Hong Kong, Beijing, Shanghai, London, Bologna, Florence, Iowa, Oregon, Austin, Canadian Rockies, Toronto, Montreal, and more.

-I spoke at countless SCBWI conferences, attended multiple ALAs, IRAs, BEAs, and NCTEs.

-I went to countless weddings, two funerals, visited friends and families with babies (distributing kid's books along the way).

-I got out of debt.

-I edited two books that were New York Times bestsellers, one Golden Kite winner and one honor, an Edgar Award winner, an Al Roker Book Club pick...and more! I love and am proud of each and every book I've acquired and edited. And I'll always remember my first!

-I took tens of thousands of photos, including hundreds of food.

-I continued my obsession with Karaoke.

-I learned about the Asian woman - gay man stereotype.

-I ran one marathon, four half marathons, played softball on the company team (the Catchers in the Rye), and biked a bunch.

-I went skydiving.

-I joined Friendster, then Myspace, now Facebook and Twitter.

-some of the technology that changed my life (for the better. Well, for the most part): cell phones, instant messaging, Sony Reader, iPod, gmail, hopstop.com, iPhone, digital cameras, flickr, animoto, podcasts, MacBook, etsy.com.

-I got the bulk of my news from Jon Stewart, podcasts, Twitter, and the internet.

-I voted in two presidential elections, and witnessed the U.S. elect our first black president.

-I went from being in my mid-twenties to mid-thirties. In other words, I became an adult. Almost.

-And, of course, I started blogging! I became a Blue Rose Girl, and blogged about bloomabilities.

What are some of the events that have defined this decade for you?

Happy New Year, everyone!

Meme

Ah, to have time to do Memes. Just a random one I read today. Nothing too exciting, I'm afraid. Today I ran 8+ miles on the treadmill (gotta get training for the August half marathon), got a hair cut (shoulder length), went to lunch with my parents (tempura soba and salmon sushi), went with my dad to buy goldfish for the pond, and now am resting, about to read. Hurray for vacation!

1. Your name spelled backwards: anivlA
2. Where were your parents born? Both were born in Taiwan, in the Tainan area
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? probably music
4. What's your favorite restaurant? I haven't been there in a while, but possibly Cafe Mogador. Oh, am loving Le Pain Quotidiens lately.
5. Last time you swam in a pool? I think it was in a hotel in Taiwan
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Yes, in junior high.
7. How many kids do you want? 1-4
8. Type of music you dislike most? I don't know if I hate any kind of music with a passion, but I probably listen the least to country and rap.
9. Are you registered to vote? Yes.
10. Do you have cable? Yes.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Yes--owned one in Taiwan.
12. Ever prank call anybody? Yes, in high school.
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Yup.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Both. But at this point, I guess I'd try the former since I've done the latter.
15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Australia
16. Do you have a garden? Nope, but I've been enjoying my parents' garden since being home
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes, Peanuts, Mutts
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? I take showers, usually in the morning
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? I guess Knocked Up. Waitress was good, too.
21. Favorite pizza topping? Black olives
22. Chips or popcorn? POPCORN!!!!
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? I don't really wear lipstick, but I guess maybe a neutral shade when I do? Or coral?
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Wow, that's a weird question. Is that what the young 'uns are doing these days? No.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, thank goodness.
26. Orange Juice or apple? Orange, I guess.
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Had dinner with my mother, younger brother Ben, and his girlfriend Susan last night at some Taiwanese restaurant in Hacienda Heights, don't know the name.
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (looking forward to eating on on the 16th)
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Ummm...I think I voted within the last 4 years, but don't have a strong memory of what it was for or who/what I voted for.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? No idea.
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Umm...I actually don't think so. I've won medals and plaques, though.
32. Are you a good cook? I'm decent.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yes.
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Yes--I ordered the Egg Wave! (lets you microwave eggs--not a good purchase)
35. Sprite or 7-up? 7-Up, I guess. I don't really drink soda, and if I do, then it's usually Ginger Ale.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? I had a red and white striped polo shirt and apron when I worked at Mrs. Field's Cookies.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Pepcid AC. ;)
38. Ever throw up in public? I must have, but not recently.
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True love with a millionaire. Just kidding. True love.
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really. Like at first sight, though.
41. Can exes be friends? Yes, but not easily.
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Tanya when Leesie was born.
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Yes!
44. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Wayne
45. What was the name of your first pet? Pippy (parakeet)
46. What is in your purse? Wallet, iPod, camera, book, sunglasses, pen...
47. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report
48. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Being with family, enjoying my parents' house

via Amy, dig?

Six Weird Things About Me

Grace tagged me with this meme a while ago, and I've never answered it. So finally, on Day 4 of my sickness, when I've only left the apartment once to go to the doctor's office, I'm finally getting to it! Here are the instructions:

Each person who gets tagged needs to write a blog post of their own 6 weird things as well as clearly state this rule. After you state your 6 weird things, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

Okay. Six weird things about me.

1. (I saw this on Bookseller Chick's blog, and since I can do it, too, I'm stealing it) I can fold my tongue so that the tip of my tongue rests on the rest of my tongue, facing the back of my throat.

2. I am grossed out by random clusters of little dots/things. For example, the inside of a bell pepper, with its cluster of seeds makes me squirm. Poppyseeds in a muffin or on a bagel makes me feel weird, although I'll still eat both. Groups of ants. But not caviar. The weird thing is, I can't control what I'll react to and what I won't.


3. I was born "parachuting" or feet first, which I know is really dangerous, but it worked out okay.


4. I'm allergic to mango. Also to nickel, dustmites, cats, and resin.


5. I've probably had 50+ cavities in my lifetime. I don't think I have a tooth in my mouth without a filling. I have a gold cap, non-gold caps, and an implant (fake tooth). I'm so comfortable going to the dentist that I fall asleep almost every time I'm in the dentist chair, even when (or especially when) I'm getting a tooth drilled. I also use prescription toothpaste. And I'm finally flossing.


6. I've never lived in one place for over 6 years. The longest I've ever lived was near Pittsburgh, PA when I was 9 months old through age 6 1/2. In July I will have lived in NYC for 5 years, tying with the second-longest I've ever lived anywhere, which was in Diamond Bar, CA from 8th grade through high school..


Oh, who to tag. How about Felix, Sara, Rita, TS, Eveline, Jarrett, and Pete.

What I'd like to try/learn

In anticipation of New Year's I've started a list of things I want to try someday. I'll continue to update this as I think of things. Although there will sure to be overlap, this is not exactly the same as my list of ten things I want to do before I die, or my New Year's resolutions. How, I'm not really sure. I guess because I'm not putting a time limit on this, and some are definitely pipe dreams. But you never know!

Someday I'd like to try/learn:

1) rock climbing
2) mountain climbing
3) horseback riding
4) hand gliding
5) knitting (well, I've tried, but not successfully yet)
6) SCUBA diving
7) Bungee cord jumping
8) learning to drive stick shift (and remembering how)
9) a triathlon
10) going into space
11) taking a painting class
12) ballroom dancing
13) writing a book
14) flying a plane
15) water skiing
16) to play guitar
17) to play a drum set
18) being a parent
19) to make pottery
20) being in a rock band
21) playing clarinet in an ensemble or orchestra (as an adult)
22) zip lining
23) to sew my own clothes
24) carpentry
25) getting over my fear of spiders
26) HTML
27) to be a better photographer
28) cliff diving

and just for fun, here's an incomplete (of course) list of Things I've Tried/Learned:
1) skydiving
2) snorkeling
3) running a marathon
4) jet skiing
5) parasailing
6) riding a motor scooter
7) gymnastics
8) ice skating
9) skiing and snowboarding
10) playing piano, violin, clarinet, and saxophone
11) taiko drumming
12) radio news anchor, producer, engineer, and deejay (in college)
13) yoga
14) public speaking
15) marched in the Fiesta Bowl Parade
16) helped decorate a Rose Parade float
17) biking

What are some of the things you'd like to try someday?

86!!

Okay, T.S. found this list of the 100 best children's book on the National Education Association's page (from 1999, I think). Same rules as last time. I put a star if I liked it as a kid, even if I may not like the book today:

*Charlotte's Web by E. B. White
*The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
*Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
*The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
*Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
-Love You Forever by Robert N. Munsch (creepy, toilet on cover...)
*The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
*The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
*Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls (this is the book that made me cry the hardest as a kid)
*The Mitten by Jan Brett
?Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
*Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
*The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis
*Where the Sidewalk Ends: the Poems and Drawing of Shel Silverstein by Shel Silverstein
*Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
*Stellaluna by Janell Cannon
*Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
*Strega Nona by Tomie De Paola
*Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
*Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? by Bill Martin, Jr.
*Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
*The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
*A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
*How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
*The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka
?Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by John Archambault
*Little House on the Prarie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
*The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
*The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne
*The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
*Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
*Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
*Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
*Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
The BFG by Roald Dahl (one of the few Roald Dahl books I haven't read)
*The Giver by Lois Lowry
?If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
*James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
*Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder
?Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor (to be honest, I can't remember 100% if I've read this...)
*The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
*The Lorax by Dr. Seuss
Stone Fox by John Reynolds Gardiner
*Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
*Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh by Robert C. O'Brien
*Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (probably my all-time favorite book)
?The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson
*Corduroy by Don Freeman
*Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg
*Math Curse by Jon Scieszka
*Matilda by Roald Dahl
-Summer of the Monkeys by Wilson Rawls
*Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
*Ramona Quimby, Age 8 by Beverly Cleary
*The Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White
*Are You My Mother? by Philip D. Eastman
*The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis (read all 7--many times)
*Make Way for Ducklings by Robert McCloskey
*One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss
*The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
*The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats (my favorite picture book from childhood)
*The Napping House by Audrey Wood
*Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig (another childhood favorite)
*The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter
*Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
* The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
*Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery
*Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss
?Basil of Baker Street, by Eve Titus
*The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper
The Cay by Theodore Taylor
*Curious George by Hans Augusto Rey
Wilfred Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox
*Arthur series by Marc Tolon Brown (only some)
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson (this has been on my to read list for a very long time)
*Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes
*Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder
*The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton
?The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown
Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar
?Amelia Bedelia by Peggy Parish (these books annoyed me when I was a kid)
*Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh
*A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Mr. Popper's Penguins by Richard Atwater
My Father's Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett
?Stuart Little by E. B. White (when I was a kid, I hated the open-ended ending)
*Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
*The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
The Art Lesson by Tomie De Paola
*Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina
*Clifford, the Big Red Dog by Norman Bridwell
*Heidi by Johanna Spyri
*Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss
The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare
The Watsons Go to Birmingham-1963 by Christopher Paul Curtis
?Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney
*The Paper Bag Princess by Robert N. Munsch

86%, baybee! I was kinda hoping for 100%, but oh well.

23

Just saw this on KT Buffy's blog, and thought I'd go through the exercise as well.

In 2005, Time magazine picked the 100 best English-language novels (1923-present). Mark the selections you have read in bold. If you liked it, add a star (*) in front of the title, if you didn't, give it a minus (-). Then, put the total number of books you've read in the subject line.

(I'm also adding a question mark (?) to indicate indifference or mixed feelings.)

The Adventures of Augie March - Saul Bellow
?All the King's Men - Robert Penn Warren (HS)
American Pastoral - Philip Roth
An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser
*Animal Farm - George Orwell (listened to audiobook)
Appointment in Samarra - John O'Hara
*Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret - Judy Blume
The Assistant - Bernard Malamud
At Swim-Two-Birds - Flann O'Brien
-Atonement - Ian McEwan (didn't HATE it, but didn't really enjoy it, and struggled to finish it)
?Beloved - Toni Morrison (HS)
The Berlin Stories - Christopher Isherwood
The Big Sleep - Raymond Chandler
The Blind Assassin - Margaret Atwood (I started this, but never got past the first chapter)
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy
Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
The Bridge of San Luis Rey - Thornton Wilder
Call It Sleep - Henry Roth
*Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
*The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger (HS)
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
The Confessions of Nat Turner - William Styron
The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen
The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon
A Dance to the Music of Time - Anthony Powell
The Day of the Locust - Nathanael West
Death Comes for the Archbishop - Willa Cather
A Death in the Family - James Agee
The Death of the Heart - Elizabeth Bowen
Deliverance - James Dickey
Dog Soldiers - Robert Stone
Falconer - John Cheever
The French Lieutenant's Woman - John Fowles
The Golden Notebook - Doris Lessing
Go Tell it on the Mountain - James Baldwin
*Gone With the Wind - Margaret Mitchell
*The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon
*The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald (HS)
A Handful of Dust - Evelyn Waugh
The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers
The Heart of the Matter - Graham Greene
Herzog - Saul Bellow
Housekeeping - Marilynne Robinson
A House for Mr. Biswas - V.S. Naipaul
?I, Claudius - Robert Graves (HS)
Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace
Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison
Light in August - William Faulkner
*The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis
*Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
*Lord of the Flies - William Golding (HS)
*The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien
Loving - Henry Green
Lucky Jim - Kingsley Amis
The Man Who Loved Children - Christina Stead
Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
Money - Martin Amis
The Moviegoer - Walker Percy
*Mrs. Dalloway - Virginia Woolf
Naked Lunch - William Burroughs
Native Son - Richard Wright
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
1984 - George Orwell
On the Road - Jack Kerouac
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
The Painted Bird - Jerzy Kosinski
Pale Fire - Vladimir Nabokov
*A Passage to India - E.M. Forster
*Play It As It Lays - Joan Didion (college)
Portnoy's Complaint - Philip Roth
Possession - A.S. Byatt
The Power and the Glory - Graham Greene
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie - Muriel Spark
Rabbit, Run - John Updike
Ragtime - E.L. Doctorow
The Recognitions - William Gaddis
Red Harvest - Dashiell Hammett
Revolutionary Road - Richard Yates
The Sheltering Sky - Paul Bowles
Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
The Sot-Weed Factor - John Barth
The Sound and the Fury - William Faulkner
The Sportswriter - Richard Ford
The Spy Who Came in From the Cold - John Le Carre
*The Sun Also Rises - Ernest Hemingway (HS)
*Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston
Things Fall Apart - Chinua Achebe
*To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (one of my all-time favorite books)
To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf
Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller
Ubik - Philip K. Dick
Under the Net - Iris Murdoch
Under the Volcano - Malcolm Lowry
Watchmen - Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
*White Noise - Don DeLillo (college class)
*White Teeth - Zadie Smith
Wide Sargasso Sea - Jean Rhys

I don't think I did too badly--almost 25%. Give me the 100 best children's books, and I'll bet I'd get over 80%. What scared me, though, is that there are a lot on this list that I've never even heard of.

If any of you absolutely loved a book on this list that I haven't read, let me know and I'll add it to my extremely large "to read" list.

Blog wishes (and caviar dreams)...

I wish I knew if I even wanted people to read this
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with this blog (personal? professional? a weird mixture like it is now?)
I wish I knew what people would like to know about (tell me!)
I wish I could post regularly (I can, I should)
I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller
I wish I was funnier (What did the monkey say when the train ran over its tail?)
I wish I knew HTML
I wish that people who read my blog would buy the books I wrote about :)
I wish I had thought about all of this before starting a blog

(answer to joke: "It won't be long now!" yeah, I know, groan.)

The word "wish" is looking funny to me right now, like it's a made-up world.