How I Mourn, How I Cope

Greg always marveled at what an amazing project manager I am--mainly because of how well I was able to manage the logistics of his illness, all while working a demanding job. Being an editor is basically being a project manager, so I've had a lot of practice! I've realized recently that I've been, in a way, project managing my own mourning. In case this might be helpful to some, here are some of the things that have helped me cope:

-Breathing. Deep breaths.

-Focusing on each and every moment. Instead of going through the motions, I try to focus on each motion, no matter how mundane.

-Keeping busy, especially on the weekends. Friends have been good about reaching out to plan outings, and I've basically been saying yes to everything, but I also don't hesitate to do my own reaching out. When I want/need to schedule my weekends, I do. And it's been great to reconnect with friends I haven't seen for a while.

-Keeping busy, but not TOO busy: leaving myself some time to be alone, to grieve, to cry. And know that it's okay to feel sad. I don't want to avoid my grief. Also, a friend told me her therapist said that intense emotions generally last for 90 seconds and then subside. I haven't actually tested this theory, but it's a good reminder that "This too shall pass."

-Going to a Meet-Up group for widows and widowers under 45. I didn't know what to expect, but it turned out to be really great to connect with others who are going through the same thing.

-Reading. A few friends sent me books on loss (Healing After Loss and How to Survive the Loss of a Love--thank you Caroline and Christine!) and most nights I read a little before bed. 

-Reading blogs and listening to podcasts: I've also been reading some blogs written by widows or widowers. This one in particular. I've also been listening to the "What's Your Grief" podcast, by the women who run the website. Their post about secondary loss was particularly enlightening.

-Writing and journaling. I've always kept a journal, and I've been writing in it a little more often. Blogging a little more, too!

-Exercising. I've decided to run the NYC Marathon again this year, and going for runs in the cold winter air has been wonderful. Lots of walking, too, and I'm taking a Pilates class at work.

-Cleaning and organizing, rearranging the furniture in the apartment, getting new furniture. I've kept photos and other wall-hangings the same, but have rearranged the layout of the living room and bedroom (thank you to Rose, Jason, and Kirk!), which for me helps the apartment feel different and my own, while maintaining the familiarity. I've decluttered quite a bit. I also bought this Lumio lamp I'd been coveting ever since I saw it on Shark Tank years ago. It's a book that opens up into a lamp! It makes me happy.

-Getting massages. In general, taking care of myself.

-Brunch! Dinner! Wine! (see "taking care of myself" above.)

-Focusing on work. It was hard at first, of course--working all day in an office is exhausting! I don't know how anyone does it. But, by the end of my second week, I felt like I was really back. It was familiar, and good to focus.

-Doing small rituals. Another organization I'm in the process of joining (recommended by Gwen) called The Dinner Party sent me this article, and I realized that much of what I've done fits into this. Going through Greg's belongings. Listening to the music he loved. I found a woman who makes beautiful "bereavement quilts" out of ties, and I sent her Greg's many ties to make a wall hanging. I saw this "I have done love" bracelet on Cheryl Strayed's Instagram, and ordered one for myself. I wear it every day. It's from the quote: 

When I get to the end of my life, and I ask one final "What have I done?" Let my answer be: "I have done love." -Jennifer Pastiloff

Okay, that's all I can think of for now. 

It's starting to get light a little earlier--I can feel Spring coming! If you have other advice/techniques for coping and healing that you'd like to share, please do.

My work resolutions for 2010

Cross-posted from the Blue Rose Girls.

***

I always make New Year's resolutions, including my "no candy" resolution of eight or so years ago. One of my resolutions this year (and last year, too, although I didn't achieve it) is to blog at least once a month on my personal blog. (Cross-posts from the Blue Rose Girls don't count.) Well, to get in the habit, I posted my first original bloomabilities post in a loooong time on Wednesday--I looked back on my Oughts here.

So now it's 2010 and it's back to work. Vacation is over--it passed so quickly! I got more than 50% of my very lengthy work "to do" list done, so I feel okay about starting the work year. However, because of the work, it wasn't a true vacation. It never really is, right? I think we all struggle with maintaining a work/life balance.

Around New Year's, agent Barry Goldblatt tweeted (or retweeted, rather) this:

Definitely! RT@DaveMcKean Resolution? More unequivocal days, that is WORK days and PLAY days, not guilty play days and distracted work days.

That really resonated with me, because if I had to pick two words to describe how I felt last year, they would be "busy" and "guilty." I felt guilty all the time because of all of the things I had to do and wasn't doing. All of the submissions yet to read, the unanswered emails and calls, the people to get back to. I felt guilty all the time about not working, even when I wasn't supposed to be working. And that needs to stop.

So, in addition to my usual work goals, in 2010 I'm going to try to set some boundaries and make some changes in how I work. Here are a few of my work-related resolutions I've come up with so far:

1) Learn how to say "no" more. Last year I really did try to say no to favors and requests that I really didn't have the time to do, but if someone insists and says "Are you sure? Please?" I often fold and say yes. I need to stop that. Because this past year, I've said yes to things, and then have not followed through with the task in a timely manner, and that's contributed to this constant sense of guilt.

2) Stop counting on weekend and vacations and holidays to "catch up" on work. Weekends and vacations are "me" time! And it never really works, anyway. (This is an example of "guilty play days.")

3) Don't stay at the office past 9 pm.

4) Work towards "Inbox Zero"--I think this is probably too lofty a goal, so to be a little more realistic, I'd like to have under 20 emails in my inbox by the end of each day (Let's call it Inbox Twenty). If you're curious as to what Inbox Zero is, watch this (rather long) video:



5) While at work, work. Less socializing and web surfing. Sure, Twitter and Facebook and blog reading are also work-related for me, but I need to stop checking the sites throughout the day. Once in the morning, once during lunchtime, and once after 5 pm will suffice.

6) Acquire at least two picture books, two middle grade, and two young adult projects this year.

7) Read a little before bed at least five times a week. Read at least one published book per month.

8) Tidy my office at least a little bit once a week.

And, of course, I resolve to keep all of my resolutions! Really! And if I don't, I won't feel guilty about it, because I hereby declare 2010 the Year of No Guilt.

What are some of your resolutions if you make them? What do YOU declare 2010 to be the Year Of?

Happy New Year, everyone! It's going to be a good one. I can feel it.

Italy trip--highlights

Happy Anniversary to me

Today is my eight-year anniversary of working at my company. It's been an amazing, rewarding eight years. I remember my interview and first days at my job. I remember setting my goal of becoming an editor, and the moment I achieved my goal. I remember my first acquisition, my last acquisition (yesterday!), my first office, my first time interviewing for an intern, for an assistant, my first agent lunch, my first auction book, my first performance review.

I can't say I've loved every second of it, but I can say that I'm extremely happy with where I am, am constantly challenged and inspired, and I still absolutely love my job. None of my firsts feel that long ago, so it's hard to believe it's been eight years. I remember when I first started and heard that some of the other assistants had been there two years; it seemed like an incredibly long time to me. But as well as things have been going, I would be extremely happy to be at my company for another eight years. I know I'm always rah rah rah when I talk about my job (even when I'm talking about the things I hate), but for me, an anniversary is an opportunity to look back and where I came from and where I am now, and I am happy.

Another New York moment

I wrote most of this last week, but didn't have a chance to finish. It seems anticlimactic to write about now, but here you go:


Last Wednesday night, a little before 6 pm, I was at work. T.S. (I just read that he also blogged about the experience on his blog) had just come over and we were talking about when to have our belated birthday Karaoke celebration. All of a sudden there was a crash, like loud thunder, and our lights dimmed for a second and I heard people gasp. I didn't think too much of it, as it had been thunderstorming all day. But then there came a low rumbling, like thunder. We paused for a moment, then kept talking, but the noise didn't stop. It was unsettling. "What IS that? Is that thunder? What IS that?" I kept asking. T.S. started walking away and then back to the window. We couldn't see anything. "You're freaking me out. That noise is freaking me out" T.S. said. I heard someone mention a fire in the building next door, smoke visible from their window. I couldn't see anything. Then our fire alarm started sounding. Connie stood up. "That's it, I'm leaving!" The fire safety director announced that there was a fire alarm on the third floor, and to stand by. People started gathering up their stuff. I went back and forth between my desk and the hallway, undecided. It was probably nothing. But what if it was something. Should I take my bag? Should I turn off my computer? I had just heated up some pasta, and the bowl of unfinished pasta was sitting on my desk. Should I go wash it out?

We looked down the hallway and A was gathering everyone up telling them to go to the emergency stairs. I grabbed my bag. "There was a lot a smoke" L said worriedly. We stood waiting for an announcement. "You should start walking down the stairs" C said, to A, who is over 8 months pregnant. That's when I started thinking, A is pregnant. M has two kids at home. L's fiance is a fire fighter. What if this is something big. What's going on?

We looked into the stairwell, and there were people going down the stairs. "Did someone tell you to go down, or did you just decide on your own?" A asked. They had just decided on their own. "We should go down" C said. "But they said the alarm was on the 3rd floor, what if we're walking into a fire?" A asked.

We pondered that and waited a little more. Then someone made the decision that we should start going down. For some reason, at that moment I decided to go back to my desk for my umbrella and galoshes, and by the time I started down the stairs, probably 2 minutes later, everyone was gone. I saw a few people I knew in the lobby, but wandered around a bit aimlessly, looking for my department but not seeing anyone. I realized I had a voicemail on my phone and tried to call. It took a few tries, but I eventually got through. It was from my roommate Rose.

"I'm on the bus right now and someone said there was an explosion in your neighborhood. I'm calling everyone I know who works in that area to see if they're okay."

I decided to go outside. People were milling around all over the place. "Someone must know what's going on." one woman said to another. They saw me with my cell phone. "Do you know what's going on?" they asked me. "I don't know...my roommate said there was an explosion..." I wandered to Lexington Ave, thinking I would just walk home and turn on the news, and then I saw it. Billowing white smoke, and a lot of it. Everyone was on the street, watching. On their cell phones, taking pictures. I took a few pictures, too.

I stood there for a while, unsure of what to do. Nobody seemed to be panicking. Just curious. But everyone was on their cell phones, but none of my calls were getting through at this point, just like during the blackout. I overheard a woman talking about a manhole cover, another mentioned a steam pipe, another mentioned a transformer.

I had a kickball game scheduled for later that night on 137th and Riverside. I wondered if it would still be going on. Was the whole city in chaos? Should I just go up there? I amazingly got through to Meghan who was planning on playing kickball with us that night. "Where are you?" I asked. "I'm stuck in traffic in my car..." "Are you still planning to go up to the park for kickball?" "Well, I was planning on it." "Let me try to call my teammates and see if the game is still on." I had the thought: I would feel weird playing kickball if a serious tragedy had just occurred. I decided to call my parents. I figured I could get through more easily to them since they were in CA. I got through to my dad. "Dad, there was an explosion near my work and a lot of smoke...can you look on the news and let me know what's going on?" He checked the internet first, nothing. Then CNN on the TV. Nothing. "Oh well, you're safe, right?" he said. I was. "I love you!" we said. I tried calling my friend Alexis, who was also co-captain of our kickball game. "Do you know what's going on?" I asked "Well, the game is still on, I don't think it's going to rain." "No, I mean, what's going on with the city?" "What do you mean?" I told her about the explosion, the smoke. "No, I'm here in Times Square eating dumplings. Didn't know about any of that! Although I did hear a bunch of sirens."

I decided that if the West side of Manhattan was oblivious, things overall were probably fine. My dad called back "It was a steam pipe explosion." He read me an article on CNN. He paused. "So, it's not terrorists. You're okay." It didn't occur to me exactly that I needed to hear that. I didn't really think it was terrorists. But still.

And so I walked over the Columbus Circle to catch the train. The day ended normally, with a kickball game (we lost, yet again), and happy hour drinks. The next morning, the streets on the way to work were emptier than usual, but by the following day, for the most part, everything seemed back to normal.

Just another NY story.

Work, Spring list, stuff

I think I'm recovered from ALA now. I hope to do a whole wrap-up on Monday over at the Blue Rose Girls. But in the meantime, I'll just say that it was busy, exhausting, thrilling, and fun. I attended the Caldecott/Newbery dinner for the first time and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I seemed to have barely a minute free from Saturday through Monday, was booked most days from 8:30 am till 11 at night. It was the busiest conference I've ever attended. But more on that later. I got home late Monday night, only to go to work early on Tuesday to prepare for our Focus meeting for our Spring 2008 list. For those of you who don't know what Focus is, it's sometimes called Launch, sometimes called Presales. Basically, it's the first formal meeting that we have to introduce our books on a certain list to the sales force. Generally, we have a Focus meeting, then a Presales meeting, and finally the formal Sales meeting. At my company, the editors usually only get to present their titles at Focus, and then only the editorial directors present at Presales and Sales (although this policy keeps changing). Just to give you a sneak peek, my four hardcover titles for the Spring 08 list are:

Sergio Makes a Splash by Edel Rodriguez: this is the first picture book both written and illustrated by Edel, and he's using a completely different art style--very simple, graphic, bright. Sergio is a penguin from Argentina who loves water but doesn't know how to swim.

The Blue Stone by Jimmy Liao: our follow up to The Sound of Colors, this is another 80-page breathtakingly illustrated book. This one follows the journey of a blue stone as it is transformed from one thing to another. It's carved into an elephant statue for a museum, then becomes a bird statue in an elderly woman's garden. It becomes a stone cat in an orphanage to keep the children company, and a heart-shaped necklace for a teenager's first love. This is a story of the different possibilities of life, and finding home again.

Crocs! by David Greenberg, illustrated by Lynn Munsinger: another installment in the "gross animal" series, alongside Slugs!, Bugs!, Snakes!, and Skunks! When a boy and his dog need a break from the busy, dirty city, they go to a tropical island for vacation, not realizing they're about to encounter an islandful of crocodiles.

The Postcard by Tony Abbott: his follow-up to Firegirl (now out in paperback), this one is quite different. I like to call it Holes meets Chasing Vermeer meets Carl Hiaasen. When Jason's grandmother dies, he's sent down to Florida to help his father deal with the funeral and selling of her house. A mysterious phone call leads Jason to discover an old postcard that launches him on a journey to uncover family secrets.

So, keep an eye out for these books come Spring! In terms of my workload, I'm almost done dealing with this list, and am about to start concentrating on my Fall 2008 list. I have a lot of novels on that list, so I'm anticipating more craziness. I had a moment of despair today thinking about it. There are times when work is hectic, but I can see an end in sight, I can see it getting better. But today, I realized that for the next three months its only going to get worse. My cube has been a disaster zone for the past month, and it's past the perfect mess state, and has now reached the unproductive, I-can't-find-anything state. But I stayed at the office till 9:30 tonight, put together my new shelves that I ordered from OfficeMax, and managed to create a semblance of order once again. I went through old emails from a month ago and responded and sorted emails dated up to June 7th. I'm hoping to get through another few weeks worth tomorrow. I'm feeling better. I'll have two days next week to catch up, and then I'm off for vacation to Southern CA for a family reunion on the Fourth of July. I have no more trips planned for the rest of the summer, so I should have plenty of time to get work back on track.

I think I can, I think I can.

On a brighter note, last night I went to see Manu Chao at the Prospect Park bandshell. It was a miserably hot, sticky night. The subway down there was slow and crowded. I was sweating sweating sweating. But after I finally met up with my friends, drank down a cold beer, made a work call, and finally the music started, all was wonderful again in the world. The rain held off until the middle of the encore, and by then it was welcome and exhilarating. We danced in the rain. Later that night, my phone stopped working. It said "Car Kit" on the face of it, for some reason. I googled it and discovered this was probably due to water damage. I thought I'd have to buy a new phone. But today, I went to Verizon, and instead of asking me if the phone got wet, the technician said, "Well, this is usually a sign of water damage, but as there is no physical evidence of this, we'll replace the phone." Woo-hoo!

Sometimes things work out.

Okay, I pounded out this post because T.S. complained that I don't post a lot anymore. Happy now?

Oh, one more thing. I FINALLY finished reading Carter Beats the Devil which some of you have noticed has been in my "What I'm Reading Now" queue for probably the last 6 months or so. You probably thought I just wasn't updating it, but you were wrong. I've really been reading it for that long. I kept putting it down and starting other things and losing it and then finding it again and reading more. It was a really really great book, and I wish I had read it without all those breaks, but regardless, it was still a fascinating, compelling read.

I'm hoping to finish New Moon tonight, which I've also been reading for a while.

And with that, I say good night.

Crazy busy, company outing and Corporate Challenge, and off to ALA

It's been another crazy busy week (Connie and I cranked out four acquisition proposals in a day and a half, including one last-minute auction project), but capped off with our very first company outing in Central Park, complete with hula-hooping, three-legged races, egg carry, bake-off, basketball, volleyball, softball and kickball, and more. I was roped into helping organize a softball game, and as I mentioned here, I also suggested kickball. The main game was softball, though, and I'm glad it was. I played on our company softball team back when we were based in Boston, and even though I've never been very good, it just brought back good memories. I played catcher, the position I used to always play back in the day. It's just a plain ton of fun. And I was captain of the winning team, woo-hoo! We won 4-0 after 7 innings. During the game I kept feeling like I was pulling something (what's the muscle on the back of the thigh?), and also got hit by the softball on my right knee while running to third (actually, I was already standing on third when the ball hit me), but I'm not really complaining, it was a great time. What I always loved about our softball team in Boston is that it united people from different departments. I have very little contact with coworkers outside of the young readers division, so it was good to meet some new people and get to know some familiar faces better.

The kickball game was a little scrappier and shorter, just three innings, and I think we lost 4-2 or 3-2. But it's just so fun seeing grown adults playing kickball. It's fantastic.

And THEN, later tonight, I ran in the Chase Corporate Challenge. My team introduced ourselves to each other by saying our name, department, and our running experience. It was weird realizing that I was actually one of the more experienced runners there. I'm used to being the amateur runner, the one just starting out, the one who never quite considered herself a runner, but now, 15 years later, multiple races, half marathons, and a marathon under my belt, including 3 or 4 Corporate Challenges, I guess I'm an old pro. There were so many people running their first organized race, and I must make a special shout-out to Jill, who only started jogging a month ago. She finished, and ran the whole way. Congratulations, Jill! You'll be running marathons before you know it. I remember my first Corporate Challenge in Boston my first or second year working at my company--it was my first official race, too.

Just as the race started, I heard someone call my name, and who would it be but Cheryl! Scholastic had the coolest T-shirts. Ours was plan navy blue with our logo on the back. And I didn't even wear mine because there were only larges left. I'm determined to make sure our company has a cool T-shirt next year.

I've been running regularly, but haven't been working on my speed. I made my goal to finish with an average of just under 10-minute miles, but after a quick start, weaving through the crowds, I ran an 8-minute first mile. I decided to try to keep up the pace. It was hard, I tell ya. But after raining for about a half hour before the race, the sky opened up, rainbow and flowing clouds and blue sky, and it was absolutely gorgeous, a little muggy, but overall perfect running weather. I crossed the finish line at 31:22, which if you subtract the 2 minutes it took to get to the starting line, means a net time of 29:22. Which means I ran about 8 and a half minute miles!!! (right? I'm horrible at math, as I mentioned in #6) I've never, ever, run a race that fast. Maybe being sore from softball and kickball actually helped, because it felt good to stretch out my muscles by running.

Phew. Then got caught in the rain on the way home. I'm absolutely exhausted.

Now I have to pack for ALA. My basic schedule is here, so if you're going, please stop by the booth and say hi!

I hope I'm not too sore tomorrow...

Sick sick sick

So, a bug has been going around, and I've seen many a friend and coworker fall, but I always think, "I'm strong! I don't get sick!" Plus, I take Airborne. But Wednesday morning I woke up early with a scratchy throat, thought it wise to go for a run, got thoroughly cold, and by late morning I realized that I was about to succumb to sickness. I made it through lunch, and then went home to rest up. But the happy news is that I still got work done, had a nice chat with a certain author about a certain mysterious manuscript which I ended up acquiring and am super excited about. I had another fun geeky (yes, that's a clue) acquisition last week that I'm also really excited about, and I'm sure both will be made public in the near future.

At any rate, I've been out of the office for the last two and half days. I'm not sure if my thermometer is faulty, but yesterday it said my temperature was 102.2 degrees! I took a lukewarm shower and took an Aleve, and gradually it came down to normal. But this morning, it's back up. I made a doctor's appointment. Let's hope there's a magic drug I can take that will get me up and running in the next few days.

Still breathing...

Someone asked for my work to do list. I was hesitant to do that, because it'd just be a repeat of this post, or else it'll be like Cheryl Klein's post here, where the comments upset me. I don't mean to whine, because it's not productive, but I hate feeling like I can't ever get caught up, and I hate feeling like I'm not responding to people quickly enough, or leaving emails go unanswered for weeks.

But...well, since you asked, let me show you this, my schedule from two Thursday's ago:

And then the next day I was out of the office for the SCBWI Intensive Writer's Workshop which I wrote about here. And missing those two days of emails put me so behind in my responses that my inbox got so clogged up that I could barely send an email without getting more email telling me that my inbox was over my memory limit, and to please delete mail, so I try to clean out my email inbox just enough so that I can actually send email. And then last week I was busy putting together two proposals for our acquisition meeting this week, and also found myself in the middle of a big auction for a big book that I want very badly. So I was up to my ears in P&Ls and comparable titles and writing my pitches. And then a minor celebrity was pitching a book and wanted a meeting, so I that took time to prepare for, and then there's the three Spring 2008 picture book manuscripts that I need to edit that should have been transmitted to copyediting last August, and the Spring 2008 novels that also need editing, and the Fall 2007 catalog pages that are circulating, and first-pass and second-pass pages for my Fall 2007 novels, and the proof for my Fall 2007 picture books, and sketches for a Spring 2007 picture book, and final art for another Spring 2007 picture book, and then more emails and emails and emails. And then needing time to read manuscripts for other editors for editorial meeting, and trying to read my own submissions, and then more emails, and phone calls, and meetings meetings meetings. And second-pass pages for a 200+ nonfiction book just landed on my desk today to review. And having to figure out costing issues for same book. And of course every day I have meetings meetings meetings.

Okay, I'll stop now. Seriously, I apologize, I'm feeling much better today after a packed yet relaxing three-day weekend, and I was also finally able to clean my room which has been a disaster zone for weeks. Of course I meant to do a lot of reading over the holidays, but instead only read 3/4 of a novel submission. But I've been reading manuscripts tonight and enjoying it. Oh, to be able to have time to read again. I just booked a week-long vacation to San Francisco for April, and aside from looking forward to seeing all my friends and relatives there, I'm also looking forward to a week of sitting in cafes and just reading for pleasure.

Anyway, so that's what I've been up to. Now back to my reading.

Taiwan pics and randomness

...and added them to my post below, as well as a couple more fun facts.

And what else. I'm tired. Work has been crazy every since I got back. Deadlines everywhere. Updating title fact sheets. Preparing for focus meeting. Writing catalog copy. Editing. Preparing acquisition meeting proposals. Reviewing copyedited manuscripts. Reading manuscript for edit meeting. Writing flap copy. Finalizing cover specs. Answering emails. Answering phones. Putting out fires. Not answering emails. Trying to ignore the smoke. Wanting another vacation.

And I'll stop before I have a repeat of this other post. But I feel the same way. There's too much to do. And I feel bad because I'm letting deadlines I've set for authors slide in exchange for keeping the in-house deadlines. Once again, Connie has been a life saver, doing most of the work, keeping me on schedule. Props to Connie! Woo-hoo!

I've managed to have some fun--went to our monthly Karaoke outing last night--although tonight I was planning on going out but was too tired. Watched my man Yul continue to kick ass on Survivor. Not to jinx him, but he could actually win this! He has a 1 in 6 chance now (And did you know that you can watch full episodes online?). I'm catching up on one of the best shows in television, Dexter on Showtime On Demand right now, and will go to sleep early. Twisted, disturbing, and brilliant. Kinda like your mom. (Oh, sorry, that's the kind of thing my friend James would say.)

Okay, I'm obviously delirious. Time for bed.

more milestones and random notes

I'd like to introduce baby Samantha, born to Amy and Bryan on Sunday morning, a week early:

Hee hee--I love yawning babies.

It was a busy but great weekend that kicked off with a Friday happy hour, then Mariko's Super Sweet 25th birthday party where we surprised her with a giant replica of an iPod constructed by Sarah (we did also get her an actual iPod, although she said she would have been happy with just the cutout):

...then Saturday night was Don and Nikki's wedding in a Manhattan loft with a great view of the Empire State building (or "Mr. Empire" as the Frenchies used to call it), and Sugar Sweet Sunshine cupcakes! They guarded the cupcakes closely before it was time to eat them, so closely that when I went to take a picture, I heard one of the "guards" mutter to another, "She's too close!" But I finally got one.:

...and then on Sunday a 15- mile run. This one was so much better than my last one. For one, I didn't have to stop to drink--just plowed through it. This was the farthest I've run without stopping, and I'm not counting my 19-mile run because I stopped to use the bathroom.

Just two stories from my run in Central Park:

1) Around 75th St on the West Side where that little lake is, there was a guy performing, playing guitar and singing, and the first time I passed, he was singing a song about how "it sure can suck to be single in this town." I thought the singer had a nice voice, and the song was pretty amusing.

An hour later I passed by the same spot again, and singer was still there. And guess what. Yup. He was singing the exact same song! I didn't find it as charming as I did the first time.

A little less than an hour later I passed the same spot again and thought, "If that guy's singing that same song, I'm going to kill him" (I was cranky around then) and luckily for both of us, he was singing "What a wonderful world" which was beautiful, and especially nice because out of desperation, I had started reciting "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" except I had started at 88th Street with "88 bottles of beer on the wall" and was kinda despairing that after getting down to 50 bottles that my mind would force myself to keep singing until no beer was left, but thankfully I started singing 'What a wonderful world" instead.

2) When I was finishing up mile 11 (right around the second time I heard the guy sing about it sucking being single in this town), I ran behind a running couple. The guy seemed to be limping along pitifully, and it turns out for good reason. I heard him say, "We're nearing twenty...I'm feeling funny" and then laughing proudly at this new "rhyme" he had created, he repeated it: "Ha ha--I'm nearing twenty. I'm feeling funny" and then proceeded to "rhyme" a bit more, more that didn't actually rhyme with twenty (although all rhymed with funny): "Almost twenty...I'm hopping like a bunny. Haha. Almost twenty...I can't believe I'm not doing this for money..." It kind of reminded me of a bad children's rhyming picture book submission.

But after I ran another lap, as I found myself nearing my goal of fifteen miles, I started the rhyme game myself:"Fifteen...you know what I mean. Fifteen...I'm gonna rupture a spleen. Fifteen...I'm feeling serene. Fifteen, I need to use the latrine"

Yeah, see, that's why I don't write children's books. Especially rhyming ones.

As for work, I've had a productive two days. Got out yet another editorial letter, responded to a bunch of LA SCBWI queries (if you haven't heard from me yet, you will! I promise!), helped my assistant with her very first editorial letter, and it's only Tuesday. More to come.

A snarky comment to my Blue Rose Girls "How I edit" post of last Friday was disheartening, and almost made me not want to blog anymore, because now I know there are readers out there who are looking for things to criticize, who are not kind, and that makes me sad. But I know it comes with the territory.

Still juggling...but fewer balls now

So, I'm still busy, but it's not as overwhelmingly crazy as it was last week and the beginning of this week. I'm surviving and being productive and feeling good.

If you want to get a better understanding of exactly what I've been doing lately, read this post on the Blue Rose Girls blog. Friday's are generally my day to blog, so check there every Friday if you want to read a chidren's book-related post by me. We also have a question of the week at the beginning of each week where we all try to answer a question.

As for me...I'd like to introduce Tanya and Chris's new daughter Annelise. These pictures are from the hospital two weekends ago:
And I couldn't resist posting this picture of "Auntie Alvina" that Antonella took of me and her daugher Alessandra at the hospital. I had no idea what expression she had on her face when I was holding her, and I think her smile is so adorable:

Last weekend was our wonderful, inspiring, rejuvenating Blue Rose Girls get-together where we tried to "get down to the cupcake level" to take a picture, and then realized, geniuses that we are, that we should bring the cupcakes up to our level instead:

I went to Nate and Ingrid's baby shower last Sunday when I got back. Brought Sachin to his first baby shower, which he enjoyed, because it was more Super Bowl Sunday than baby shower.

This week was filled with goodbyes to my roommate Lisa who is moving today to Chicago--so sad to see her go! We had a drink on the terrace one last time on Wednesday. Also went to a cocktail party for that crazy building "Blue" in the Lower East Side which was kinda a bust (badly planned drinks and food) but was worth checking out anyway. Last night was the bachelorette party for Nikki--fun gals, good food and wine at Supper, and lots of cheesy bachelorette "flair." Tonight is happy hour, then Mariko's birthday party, tomorrow night is Don and Nikki's wedding, and Sunday is my day of rest, with Little Miss Sunshine, I hope--finally!

Juggling

Just got an editorial letter for a Fall 07 novel out last week, struggling to get another one out for another Fall 07 novel by tomorrow and stayed at work till 9 pm tonight but still didn't finish. Right now am reading the manuscript that just came in today of a long nonfiction project (also on the Fall 07 list) so that I can get it into copyediting on Wednesday. Am loving it so far but am only on page 46 of a 200+ page manuscript...need to get to at least 100 tonight and it's past my bedtime. Am expecting a revised manuscript of another Fall 07 novel in tomorrow, and need to turn that around with more edits within a few days so that there's time to do another revision so I can get it into copyediting by mid-October. Next week I should get the revision of the novel I did an edit on last week, and will have to also turn it around quickly in order to keep it on schedule. Inherited a whole paperback series from another editor and am preparing for and leading a big meeting with the owners of the estate on Monday. Updating fact sheets for our Pre-Sales conference this week, too. Getting out jacket copy for my Spring 2007 novels by next week. Sending out two of my Spring 2007 for blurbs. Dealing with reprints. Reviewing final art for a Fall picture book. Waiting for late final art of another Fall picture book. Feeling guilty about keeping authors and agents waiting on promised revision notes for at least three projects. Trying to book my flight to Oregon for the SCBWI conference next month, but having to coordinate with my cousin and two authors out there first. Fielding calls from my mother about our family reunion in Taiwan in November. Fielding calls about submissions sent to me over 4 months ago. Not reading the manuscript in my reading pile. Needing to keep training for the marathon.

But it's all good. It will get done (with a LOT of help from my super assistant, Connie).

But I need to stop writing this RIGHT NOW! Back to work.

new post and still sick

Okay, not to whine but I actually felt sicker today, so I stayed home even though there was so much going on at work. I managed to take care of at least one thing that needed to get done, in between trips to my bed. I had no energy at all today. I hope TWO days at home in a row will help me feel better by tomorrow! I really hope to make it in to work. Partially because there's lots to do, but mostly because I have the awful feeling that I left a mug with a used tea bag in it on my desk, and if I don't make it in until Monday, I dread what it'll look like. I could ask my assistant to clean it for me tomorrow, but I don't like to ask assistants to do stuff like that.

In the meantime, check out my new post about In the Break by Jack Lopez over at the Blue Rose Girls site.

My weekend, and burnout prevention

I just had one of the best Sundays in a long time--because I had nothing planned. Well, I guess I had three things I wanted to do: laundry, clean the bathroom, and run 10 miles. And I did all three. I also was able to catch up with a Project Runway marathon, preparing for my run by eating leftover pepperoni from Tanya's baby shower.

I had a baby-filled weekend. My book group trip up to Westchester county was so wonderful. A 9-month baby to play with--I love that sturdy baby age, when their head no longer lolls around, when you don't feel like you're going to damage them by holding them. We talked about the book, of course, and our usual publishing gossip, and another thing we talked about was the possibility of burnout in our careers. Many of us were on the brink. The past few weeks have been extremely stressful, but I don't feel like I'm quite there--and I know that Sundays like this help prevent burnout. I overextend myself, I know. I want to go out, have fun, plan wedding showers and baby showers for my friends, read manuscript for all my coworkers, go to conferences, travel to visit friends, entertain friends and family in NY, run marathons, be in multiple book groups...it's part of the reason one of my New Year's resolutions was: Take more time for myself, don't over schedule, have at least one free night each week.

I don't know if I've quite fulfilled that resolution, so I should be more vigilant about it. Because unscheduled days like this go a long way in preventing burnout. I need to not think about work, not do any work.

Saturday was the baby shower--the mother-to-be managed to get up all 6 flights of stairs, and it was a lovely time. Antonella had her baby with her--about three-months-old, so not quite at the really sturdy stage, but getting there. So sweet. Great food--too much food. Food of our childhoods. Mini burgers, ants on a log, Flavorice, cupcakes decorated with umbrellas, Pringles, and more. In keeping with the theme, we played "stick the pacifier on the baby." Too bad there wasn't room to play musical chairs. It was a beautiful day, so we chilled on the terrace afterwards. Perfect, perfect, perfect weather.

And then today. I slept in, puttered around, posted the Blue Rose Girls' Question of the Week, and then did all the rest. I wasn't feeling too hot health-wise--have had a scratchy throat since Friday morning and was congested and sneezing all day Saturday, but my Rose told me that even when she's feeling under the weather, she finds that once she starts running she forgets about it, so I decided to run any way, and I'm glad I did.

It's funny--part of my motivation for making the whole 10 miles was that I knew I could write it in my blog. At the conference I talked to a few people about running marathons, and running in general, and one thing we agreed on is the attraction to the sport in that it's uniquely measurable. Nobody can take away the fact that I've run 10 miles. When I started running in college, I had never run even one mile without stopping, and because of this I was so proud at each milestone. On the way back from the track, I would stop in my floormates room and announce how far I'd run. After a few weeks of this, my friend said in an annoyed tone, "Why do you always announce how far you ran?" and I realized that it was a motivating factor for me, I was proud of my progress and wanted to announce it.

So, this blog is good for something, I guess. I RAN 10 MILES TODAY! There. Next week, I plan to run 11 miles, the most I've ever run. And then the half marathon is in two weeks. I'm feeling good about it. But I'm not going to overdo the training--don't want to burn out before November.

Self-defe...er...deprecating

I recorded my audio recordings last week (at my company, all editors make audio recordings of our book presentations for each list and make CDs to distribute to our Sales force so they can listen to them in their cars to get more familiar with the books), and used the word "self-deprecating" to describe the writing in one of my YA novels. I ended up having to do this particular recording three times because I kept messing up, and the more I said "self-deprecating" the more I thought I had it wrong. I'm always paranoid about that word because once my friend said "self-defecating" by accident and we endlessly made fun of him. But I've said it jokingly that way so many times that now I'm paranoid that I'll say it at the wrong time. And on a Sales CD would definitely be the wrong time. Then again...I wonder how many people would actually notice?

Greetings from beautiful Diamond Bar, CA. I never thought I'd be coming to Southern CA to escape the heat!

Defense Finance and Accounting Service

I get a lot of wrong numbers at work. And many of them are looking for something to do with the military--the defence finance and accounting service? I've discovered that the area code for that number is 216, while mine is 212. I would better understand all the wrong numbers if the correct area code was 213 or 211, but 216? That's a number over AND a number down.

Oh well.

Maybe I should start doing what Kramer did when he started getting calls for Moviefone. "Welcome to Moviefone!"

"Defense Finance and Accounting Service, may I help you?"

I'm famous!

Every now and then I think about writing about my career, but never get around to it. But I just did this lengthy interview that's up now on www.thecareercookbook.com, so read all about me if you want. Thanks to Jarrett for referring them to me.

Just got back from Julie and Jim's wedding in Deerfield, MA. It was an incredible time, so unique and perfect and fun, and full of this amazing couple's personality. It was great to see old friends, make some new ones, and just enjoy a weekend away from the city. I'm so honored that they included me in their special day. They had a zydeco band perform at the reception--months ago, when I heard that this was the plan and also heard about Jim's "No 80s music" rule, I was a little apprehensive. But I have to say, I didn't even miss the 80s music. High praise indeed, coming from me.

A few pics (had to throw in the one of the beautiful cakes from the dessert party on Friday night):